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A Northam man was being treated for shock today after venturing out and discovering events being held in The Wheatbelt.

Frank Pootle, 54, has lived the Wheatbelt for most of his life and is comfortable with ‘the way it’s always been’. An advocate of not trying anything new or the ‘there's no point’ philosophy, Frank mistakenly found himself in the middle of a street festival when he popped out to the shops.

When questioned why he did not know about the festival, which attracted hundreds of people from surrounding areas, Frank said he was not told about it.

“I don’t read newspapers - there’s nothing in them that interests me and this Facebook malarkey is dangerous. Hackers come down the phone lines and steal your bank details ” he said. “I don’t look in shop windows at posters and I’m fed up with all that junk mail, so I nailed my letterbox shut” he boasted. “What these organisers have to do, is advertise it more” preached Frank . “It’s no good putting up posters, sending out Facebook events. Newspaper adverts and radio is no good either. I want to be told about it”

Spam with a nice garnish

From hospital, Frank added, “These event newsletters are no good either, won’t sign up for them, once they have your email address they’ sell it on eBay and you’ll get sent tins of Spam. Happened to a mate of mine.“

When approached for comment a Shire spokesman advised that they were putting plans in place for the creation of a new position. The Derrière Extractor should address this issue with responsibility for door to door personal invitations for local residents for every fundraiser, event, function, morning tea, festival, sundowner, business opening, community activity, competition or opening of an envelope.

Mr Pootle has now returned home safe with the assurance the Shire will be in touch soon to help him get his head out of his derrière.

This is a work of fiction and is not intended to upset, intimidate or cause offence to anyone. No spam was harmed in the writing of this article.

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